Just another birthday post

So, here we are on the eve of my 34th birthday.

Not a big one.

Not a special one.

Just a regular, once-a-year birthday.

Just time to put down in words (I hope you don't mind my half-quote) (wink wink*) a few achievements of this not-so-long, not-as-peculiar-as-you-might-think life of mine.

In 34 years I... :

- Got an uncoutable ammount of pets; cats, dogs, turtles, birds, fish... I had plenty and named all of them something different (all but 3 cats I had and named them all Banana... I guess we'll call that "a phase"). I loved them all: the actually owned and the random strays. I cried at every single loss.

- Cried a couple of rivers, to say the least; oh, yeah, big crybaby over here. A good movie, a loss, a random funeral on tv, a random wedding on tv, friends' weddings and babies... You name it, I cried it (??).

- Called "home" 11 different places; some for a few months, some for a year, some by choice, some because they happened. My heart belongs to all of them. And I òloved cleaning all of them just as well.

- Got a car... and only slightly damaged it. I mean, yes, I did crash my lesftside headlight, but who hasn't? (while parking in an indoor parking place, going 3 mt/h and scratching a Range Rover).

- Planted and proceded to killing several plats and flowers. No questions asked.

- Broke my heart about... let me count those... wait, let's count only those when my heart skipped a beat and then felt like it sunk when it lost... I dare say it was about 5 times. Not as many as I would have thought. N.5 is actually still in progress, so we should move on to the next topic.

- Lost and gained around a 1.000 kilos; they always seem to find their way back, those bastards!

- Worked almost the whole jobs' spectrum: from babysitter to sales person, from dishwasher to highschool teacher, from housemaid to receptionist... and much more!

- Got published twice (guess you didn't know that, did you? Ah? Gotcha!) as part of a new poets collection. Take that surprised look off of your faces! Jerks...

- Bought a Christmas tree. I know, it ain't much, but it was a goal of mine.


So these are done...

Obviously I have done more, but these felt like needed sharing. Not like learning to fly a plane. Also because I haven't done that...

Any suggestions so what should come next? As they say: the best has yet to come.

On True Love, and how it conquers it all

What do I do when my love is away?
(Does it worry you to be alone?)
How do I feel by the end of the day?
(Are you sad because you're on your own?)
No I get by with a little help from my friends
Mm I get high with a little help from my friends
Mm gonna try with a little help from my friends



Of all my life mistakes, great and small, one I never made: I always knew I had true love with me.


But what is true love after all, how do you know if what you have is "it" or just some ordinary, partially eaten, half-understood feeling?


Here below is a simple questionnaire to help you figure it out:

- Does this person make you feel better when you are down?

- Does this person shut down your hopes with a spoonfull of reality?

- Is this person the second thing you think about when you get up in the morning and the second last thing when you go to bed? (let's face it: first and last are "I have to pee")

- Is this person the one who's text you never expect, and yet, always get?

- Does this person get the right snaks at the right time?

- Is this person holding the door, even if mad?

- Does this person take your side, but still is liked by your parents?

- Is this person Jude Law?


If you answered "yes" to 7 out of 8 questions (of course he's not Jude Law, get real!) you have the dragon slaying, tower climbing, curse breaking, cooking baking kitten saving Love.

Yes, with the capital L.

Like Lebanon. Or Louise. Or lesbians in politically correct tv shows.

Tomorrow it's Valentine's day, make it count; I know I will.

Oh, yes sorry, I might have misled you: I am still single and trying (poorly, thank you for asking) to mingle, but I do haveTrue Love with me.

I have its traits, so that when he'll come along I'll know I wo't have to settle down.

In the meantime, tomorrow I will wear a pretty red dress (slightly slutty around the hedges), I will buy flowers, get me a nice juicy steak (horse most likely) (yes, I said it: I'm going to eat horse, you judgemental bastards), I will go to work, cry perhaps a bit in my car (still single on Valentine's day after all: let's play a bit with the clichès), open a bottle of wine and have a good day.

Not hoping, nor waiting: just living it.

Sex would be nice too, I will see what I can do about that.

Going back in time.... or trying to

So many adventures couldn’t happen today,

So many songs we forgot to play

So many dreams swinging out of the blue

Oh let them come true.

Dear 13 y-o me,

I’ve chosen you, out of all of our “us”, because you are the last perfectly child-like, deliciously oblivious of what pain really is, you are the last version I would reboot to if I was a computer.

And you will stay this way for about 2 more days.

After that, I took what I could and I became what I am.

No regrets, of course.

I wish I could tell you things that I know now and that would have helped in those years, but again, I am pretty ok with how our (my) life turned out to be.

I’m going to write to you anyway, because maybe one day we will finally be able to time travel and you (I) might want to give my life a different twist.

We should start with the basic, most important things.

I know now you are pretty broken up and feel you’ve been betrayed, but you made the right choice when you picked Robbie as your favourite Take That member; yes, he did kind of break up the band, but Angel is only the beginning and now he is still hot, has a lovely baby girl (no, unfortunately not with us) and his music is still great.

No, you haven’t seen him live just yet.

I wish I could tell you to drop that fork and leave carbs be, but we both know that is not going to happen, so eat up: there’s a great nutritionist waiting for you in your 30s! (Yes, we stayed fat up until our 30s… and we still are working on it)

I probably shouldn’t tell you but you are getting your very first CD this Christmas and it will be awesome: Aqua’s Aquarium! Enjoy because, no need for spoiler alerts here, they won’t last.

See that lady next to Bill Clinton? I mean Hilary, not that young curvy brunette… you don’t need to know about that… Anyhow, she’s going to run for president! And a cartoon character will beat her in the run.

God, I’m just reading some facts on 1997 and I must say, it’s rough!

You are going to loose Versace! And the good one! And Lady D!

And Cuba Gooding Jr. gets an Oscar? Holy shit!

Anyhow…

More important news you need to hear:

-         - Tom Cruise is secretly crazy

-          -Everyone is gay

-          -Nerds are going to become a thing (but too late for you to actually bask in the glory of your        knowledge)

-          -Coke is nice… but Pepsi is soooo much better

-          -Men and women will never become equal

SO one day, you will find yourself on a sunny March afternoon on the beach (oh yes, climate change: big thing! You are wearing short sleeves in March) and get nostalgic of who you were, so you decide to write yourself a letter and… BAM! You own your portable computer (PC)! And it’s not even your first one!

Computers, mobile phones, electric cars (no, you can’t afford one of those just yet), scales who talk back to you…

It’s a pretty damn good time this one.

And yes, in 2 days you will have to face the event that will change you down to the core, but maybe it’s the way it should be.

It will be painful, you will lose the struggle, but maybe it’s right how it was supposed to be.

A few more words of advice, or actually reminders for me of the things you (I) are already going to get right:

-          Trust everyone: they will cheat, they will leave, some may come back, but it will all be worth it;

-          Take that leap of faith and leave. You’ll love it!

Just maybe try to cut loose of some people more easily: if it’s not working, it’s not working.

I know, I know… early teens, so you are wondering about boys (actually you are not… man, were we late bloomers on that… should have dropped those books)…

No boys for you as in “just  now”.

Not in a “love you” “stay together” “build a future together” kind of way, anyway.

But you’ll learn to live with it and you are going to enjoy it.

I wish I could tell you not to drink that much that night 4 years in your future, but we needed that experience too.

And no, he is not good for you. No, not even that one. No. No. Move on. Not this. Not that. He can’t even see you.

No.

No.

Wait for it………

No, not that one either.

Will never see him again.

Too far.

Too close.

Just stay alone and thank your lucky starts you have the greatest friends in the world (and that most of them will be able to hold their liquor).

The long walk

And after all the violence and double talk
There's just a song in all the trouble and the strife
You do the walk, yeah, you do the walk of life
You do the walk of life


We all walk the walk of our lives and I recently came to see the Google Earth version of mine...


What I meanit's simply that I took a path (see what I've done there?) to learn more about my own patterns, and I actually saw them!

How fantastic is that?

You spend your whole life submerged in "what-if"s,while you could simply accept the fact you'll never had a choice to begin with.

Now now, it may sound way more drastic that it actually is,I just mean that who we are sets the foundations of what we do.


You try breaking out of charachter and see how that goes.


Going back the life we walk in, it's just all about recognizing its (your) ways and owning them.

Ok, you do make the same mistake with men... true, you keep buying uncomfortable shoes... in all fairness you still go back to the same crappy restaurant...

But this is you.

There is no other you to be found, not better life.

And, believe me, I don't mean this in a bad or negative way: I just mean the the key is acceptance.


In just one line: life is a bitch, just try to make it your bitch.


Only then you'll do the walk, the walk of life.

(music plays in the background)

Confessions of a compulsive overthinker

You left your flowers in the backseat of my car
The things we said and did have left permanent scars
Obsessed depressed at the same time
I can't even walk in a straight line
I've been lying in the dark no sunshine
No sunshine
No sunshine

I can promise you that soon enough my posts will be back to Fun Lovin' Criminals' lyrics, but for now you are stuck with Maroon 5.

Because so am I.

Well today, children, we are going to face the darkest of all dilemmas: to feel or not to feel.

Well, let's be real, you can't decide on that.

So let's change our topic to the much more realistic, and yet Jurassic Park's T-rex terrifying: to tell or not to tell.


Have you ever thought youmade it perfectly clear to someone that you like them but then nothing changed in either direction?

Well, dearest, if your answer to the above questions was either "yes" or "sorta" or "I think so" or any other of the kind, chances are you actually didn't.

And you might as well believe it, because Iam the Queen (yes, with a capital Q) of "I think I made it clear".

No, this does not apply only to romance or relationships, it applies to all major fields of the human experience: love, friendship, job interviews, pets... really any field.

I have recentily started approaching my life in adifferent way, mainly because I was running out of things to worry about so I decided I should get back a few pounds and throwing myself under the bus.

So I found out that doubting myself comes easy so I started questioning every little aspect of my being me and that involved some re-evaluating some (one) relationships (no -s needed, I was just pretending I had a much more diverse life... I really don't).

Maybe in your life too there is someone you overlooked,someone you thought you didn't need to think about.... someone that everytime you thought about him/her one of the voices went like "Whoa! No! Don't go there!".

Well, if you do, here is my piece of advice: go there.

Think about it.

Evaluate.

Don't wait for your best friend to think about it for you.

And if you do wait for your best friend to make you notice and start thinking (orbetter, just considering) the possibility, one thing you should do is: be clear.

Do not play scenarios in your head before.

Do not send ambiguous texts that you can interpret after.

DO not involve otherpeople (not even the above mentioned best friend) in your madness because you will start building upthings in your head and we are back on the scenarios, just this time they will all go terribly wrong.

Yes, if it feels like he likes that friend of yours, he probably does.

Yes, if you make enough of an effort you can make him like that friend of yours and perpetuate your loneliness.



No, this will not make you feel better.
Yes, he was probably your Lloyd Dobler; akward looks and 80's style included.

Who's whatching? Tell me who's watching

I'm just an average man, with an average life.
I work from nine to five; hey hell, I pay the price.
All I want is to be left alone in my average home;
But why do I always feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone, and

I always feel like somebody's watching me.
And I have no privacy.
Woh, I always feel like somebody's watching me.
Tell me is it just a dream?

I will admit this time I went a bit overboard with the lyrics,but tellme: how much is too much Rockwell? I knew you didn't know...

This, anyhow, wants to be a post about OVERSHARING.

Yeah, I know, right? Me. Writing about sharing too much. On a blogI use to share just anything with just anyone.

Isn't this ironic? Don't you think? (got you there!)

But, seriously, I am the first one to admit how addicted I am to social networks, binge-reading other people's crap, blogging, twitting, instagramming, #hastagging and all... At least it ain't cocain... Or is it?

One thing I'll say: the line stands where the needle comes in.

Again, loosingtrack of the post...

I just wanted to spend a fewminutes reminiscing about those good old days when you actually had to be cunning to plot revenge, not passive-agressive.

When you had to go out and find someone with a new car to stalk someone, not turn on your phone.

But most of all I miss the days of denial.

Ah, those were the days...

You could pretend people weren't actually loosing weight, he never moved on, you still looked like you did at 18 (or better, NOT), everyone had cats you didn't need to know unless you met them and I could still pretend you didn't say "Hello" because you didn't recognize her/him.

And, BTW, now that we are on topic, how formal have our relationships with our friends' pets become??

It's like, I see your cat/dog/rabbit/bear/dragon on one of these platforms, and you most definitely have seen mine (plus a thousand randos I saw on the streets and where too cute to be real), so we all feel like we should mention them in our conversations, and that part I actually love...

But what when we atually MEET the pet? Should  we introduce ourselves? Has it seen OUR picture before? How does it feel about meeting my pet?

Sometimes I just want to go up to those pets, shake their paw and say "My name is Giulia, I am a great admirer of your work. The way you slept the other day... Just marvelous. I have a cat who sleps as well, perhaps I should introduce the two of you. Thank you. Much obbliged for your time."

But, back on oversharing...

Should we do it? I know (again) that it is addictive, but don't we wantpeople not to know? I mean, there are at least 7 things I read between yesterday and today that I really did NOT want to know.

Sad things happening. Sad things people are doing to me. No spell-check. Ignorance on topics you should shut up about. Hair growing in places...

And I think thelast two were Doc and Grumpy.

Or maybe I'm Grumpy.

They are going to make it all better.

Here we go again

An’ here I go again on my own

Goin’ down the only the only road I’ve ever known,

Like a hobo I was born to walk alone

An’ I’ve made up my mind

I ain’t wasting no more time

Thank our lucky star for music: where would we be without it? But, most of all, where would I get my intros without it??

You might have guessed, at this point, the topic of this post isn’t an upbeat one, one about happiness and the comfort we get from our loved ones.

Well you have guessed wrong. Sort of.

This post wants to be about nostalgia and that feeling you get when you are parted from your loved ones.

Friends… Family… Co-workers… Even pets, why not.

I’ve spent the most part of the last 16 years travelling, studying here and there, working here and there, networking all over the face of Earth (kind of) and I learnt two things from these years:

1)  Looks like planet Earth isn’t flat after all… Who knew! Still not sure about not falling from its edges, though, it could be missing a slice…

2) Sometimes feelings, just any kind of feeling really, are not always mutual.

Obviously, we are not going to discuss the “fact” that the planet may or may not be flat like Adriana Lima’s stomach: it would imply a large amount of sarcasm that I cannot manage right now.

Next time perhaps.

What I mean by feelings not being mutual is something that I had to learn the hard way, with experience and on my skin.

I mean, unmutualness actually passed on this marvellous never-ageing skin of mine, can you believe it?

I clearly am not talking about love in a “girl-meets-boy-life-is-crap” way, enough of that already in just any other post on this blog…

I am talking about mainly friendships. Some family relations would apply as well.

I have always been very (too?) proud of my ability of keeping in touch, of diversifying, of loving unconditionally and of loving like there is not tomorrow; I have been called a friend-whore, but truth is it isn’t as easy to get my friendship as it looks.

I don’t discriminate based on political views, sexual orientations, (sadly) musical orientations, age, education, looks, social status, weirdness and so on, therefore have amongst those I like to call my friends: teachers, students, musicians, people who think there is a God, people who think they are God, fat, skinny, tall, not as tall, vegans, chefs, military, flower children, children of the corn… wait… no… no children of the corn: they scare the living shit out of me.

I like to think of myself like a person with a balanced social diet. At least that one I got right!

But there are restrictions to join this club: no homophobes, no hunters, no people trying to force their beliefs on you, no fans of Tokyo Hotel, no judgemental people, no un-dead, no animal haters, no presumptuous people when they are dumb, trying to avoid killers and party-poopers but they might sneak in, no children of the corn (away, you bastards!).

Mainly my concerns are of the idealistic kind, as you can see.

Moreover, I really do not like those children of the corn.

However, all this just to say that for me friends are freaking important and I just wished I were as important for them.

I write messages, I tag you on Facebook, I call, I tweet (literally, because I’m bloody Snow-White and I befriend birds, not because I actually got a hang of that Twitter mess), I drop by, I pick up, I cook, I remember, I listen, I talk, I sing, I dance, I would paint if I could (but I really can’t) and, most of all, I miss you.

I really do miss you.

I might not write every single day, I might not tell you about my heartbreak (that is what this blog is for) but I promise, I do really miss you.

So, please, one single thing I ask of you, and I am asking for myself and for all of those upbeat, loud, happy-go-lucky, always cheerful, over friendly, slightly embarrassing, madly crazy, inappropriate friends you all have (if you don’t know who this friend is in your life, chances are it’s you), please miss us. Miss me.

Send us a message, write us a mail, tag us on Facebook, drop by, talk, listen and everything else, because we love you.

And we miss you.

And if we don’t say it enough, it’s just because we don’t want to overstep our role of the carefree person in your life, but most of all because we don’t want to bother you.

Guess what: if you are always the one writing the message, it feels like the receiver of that message didn’t really care about getting it.

Might not be so, but feels that way.

Again: just miss us and let us know.