Am I a rock? Am I an island?

It is no secret that a person that calls her own blog "A fat blog" has some issues... 

Mainly with food and surely with her methabolism, but never the less there are issues.

I guess this quote pretty much says it all: the aloness, the out-of-placeness ( the making up wordsness), the little sense and meaning it all has sometimes.

But I am not sucidal or anything, so it's not that kind of feeling, and you can hardly say I am anti-social if you know me so it is not the lack of people around that leaves the empty spot...

Don't even try to lecture me about being now 30 and feeling the need for companionship, because we all know that is a totaly different issue (one that I have, do not worry, but that I am not going to adress in this post).

It is more like speaking a different language than everybody else, it's having a mind with a speed of its own that takes you away at the wrong times and fails you constantly;

it's being different in a way that you don't even know and that nobody can see.

I have been fortunate in many many ways in this life: I have family, I have more real friends that the adverage human being can count, I really do.

I have cats, dogs, nephews and nieces, roommates, Easter eggs, new shoes, parties, poetry (to protect me), a job and everything else you want to put in this.

Name it and I assure you that if I have ever cared for it I have it.

Am I happy? Not that I know.

Would I know if I was? I don't know that either.

Why is this feeling of misunderstanding always pending over my head?

Is there a planet where I should go back to?

When I identify with the Creature (oh yes, he is not called Frankenstein: that would be his creator) it's because I too feel like I can't hear nor see anybody like me out here.

Am I really just very self centred? Well I guess we all are... I guess we all see just our own problems and live only what is in our heads, don't we?

The only thing that I can say for myself is that it's like being two different persons that complete and yet contrast each other: one is the outside person that lives my everyday life, the other is the one that only exists in my head and keeps up the blues.

Perhaps a shrink would be a better audience for all this...